On this day, 9 years ago, Tom asked my Daddy permission to propose. We were happily married 3 months later, on December 11, 1999! September always makes me think of our special days of falling in love. What a happy time! My heart was full of wonder for all that life would hold.
On this day, September 10, 2000, I miscarried our first child. My world seemed to stop. Here are some excerpts from my journal entries at that time:
"Our little baby is in heaven with Jesus. I miscarried Baby Peace this afternoon, and we buried our little one under a big oak tree. I was two months pregnant, and the miscarriage was a shock. I trust my Lord, though. I'm so thankful we were able to see and hold our little one. What a tiny, amazing miracle! Our firstborn-Baby Peace. Even though the pain is great and it seems the tears will never end, His peace is so comforting. Burying our little one was the hardest thing we've ever had to do. I remind myself that our baby is not in the ground, but safe in the arms of Jesus.
Still, the grieving is very real. I feel a loss that is hard to understand. We only knew a new life for so brief a time. Why?
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. " John 14:27
"Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Psalm 73: 23-26
On this day, September 10, 2002, God filled my arms with a son! Caleb Thomas entered this world just as the evening sun was flooding the sky with it's brooding fall light. Gentle, quiet, dark-haired, he delighted us completely. We remembered our first loss and felt thankful God chose to give us another child on the same day He took one home.
On this day, September 10, 2007, my dear, beautiful friend Amy went to be with Jesus forever. She was 26. You can read about her journey with leukemia here. Her words still inspire me.
The picture above was taken of us a couple years before her diagnosis.
It has remained on my fridge this past year along with this verse:
"We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:18
My heart aches when I think of her grieving husband, Brandon, her son, Gary, and her lovely parents and siblings. I know her presence is missed everyday.
Today I pulled out my collection of letters from Amy. They brought back so many memories! I was amazed at how much she quoted scripture and poems that inspired her. Her letters were full of them. Sometimes, that's all they contained! She loved to research a topic and was always giving me definitions and illustrations from various sources on whatever it was that she was studying. Here are some of her thoughts:
February 3, 1997
I really enjoyed Mr. Nisbett's teaching yesterday. Every now and then there is a message that seems to be talking about me. The '"get-your-attention'" "slap-in-the-face" kind. Ouch.
'Earthly pleasures vainly call me;
I would be like Jesus;
Nothing worldly shall enthrall me;
I would be like Jesus.
Be like Jesus, this my song,
In the home and in the throng;
Be like Jesus, all day long!
I would be like Jesus.'
I also like:
'Sound the battle cry! See! the foe is nigh!
Raise the standard high for the Lord.
Gird your armor on, Stand firm everyone;
Rest your cause upon His holy word.
Rouse, then, soldiers! Rally round the banner!
Ready, steady, pass the word along;
Onward, forward, shout aloud, hosanna!
Christ is captain of the mighty throng!'
William f. Sherwin
I could fill pages of paper with excellent hymns! There are so many!
God's will: Exactly what I would choose if I knew all the facts. (IBLP)
Wow! How true!
I have been thinking a lot lately about the days of my youth. This is the time I have to serve and learn. It is the time to serve God wholly as I have no husband. I have the time to spend in God's Word now that I won't have in the future. It seems so tempting to just "go through the years of youth", to be entertained, and to just have fun. To be as an "ox led to the slaughter", just "ho-humming" along! (Not that oxen ho-hum) :)
'It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.'
I am beginning to realize that it is the world that just has fun, but that we, the elect, are "called unto a purpose". 1 Peter 2:21- TO FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS! That is our purpose!
Not that we cannot do fun things (I still want to go to a basketball game with my Dad!) but that our focus is on the Lord and not having fun all the time. Something I am struggling with.
"We need young men and women who are feared in hell for what they can do."
If I ask the following questions about activities:
1. What would Jesus do?
2. Will I be feared in hell if I do this or will I contribute to Satan's cause? What change would that bring in my life?
"Do not give the devil an opportunity." Ephesians 4:4
"Therefore be imitators of God..." Ephesians 5:1
Amy went on to share other verses that spoke to her, and closed with this:
"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress may be evident to all..." 1 Timothy 4:12
I have discovered many pearls of great truth! These last two hours spent in reading entire chapters have been wondrous! I am trying to learn. I've had plenty of trying lessons lately.
"Looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith."
"Our hearts find no rest until they find their rest in Thee." St. Augustine
Love in Him...
Because He lives I am....Amy.